|
To
the Guy Who Tried to
Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night
before last.
Date:
2009-05-27, 1 :43
a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy
wearing the black Burberry
jacket that
you demanded that I
hand over, shortly
after you pulled the
knife on me and my
girlfriend,
threatening our
lives. You also
asked for my
girlfriend's purse
and earrings. I can
only hope that you
somehow come across
this rather
important message.
First,
I'd like to
apologize for your
embarrassment; I
didn't expect you to
actually crap in
your pants when I
drew my pistol after
you took my jacket..
The evening was not
that cold, and I was
wearing the jacket
for a reason.. My
girlfriend had just
bought me that
Kimber Model 1911 .45
ACP pistol
for my birthday, and
we had picked up a
shoulder holster for
it that very
evening. Obviously
you agree that it is
a very intimidating
weapon when pointed
at your head ...
isn't it?!
I
know it probably
wasn't fun walking
back to wherever
you'd come from with
that brown sludge in
your pants. I'm sure
it was even worse
walking bare-footed
since I made you
leave your shoes,
cell phone, and
wallet with me.
[That prevented you
from calling or
running to your
buddies to come help
mug us again].
After
I called your mother
or "Momma"
as you had her
listed in your cell,
I explained the
entire episode of
what you'd done.
Then I went and
filled up my gas
tank as well
as those of four
other people in the
gas station, -- on
your credit card.
The guy with the big
motor home took 150
gallons and was
extremely grateful!
I
gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside
Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all the
cash in your wallet.
[That made his day!]
I
then threw your
wallet into the big
pink "pimp
mobile" that
was parked at the
curb ... after I
broke the windshield
and side window and
keyed the entire
driver's side of the
car.
Later,
I called a bunch of
phone sex numbers
from your cell
phone. Ma Bell just
now shut down the
line, although I
only used the phone
for a little over a
day now, so what 's
going on with that?
Earlier, I managed
to get in two
threatening phone
calls to the DA's
office and one to
the FBI,
while mentioning
President Obama as
my possible target.
The
FBI guy seemed
really intense and
we had a nice long
chat (I guess while
he traced your
number etc.).
In
a way, perhaps I
should apologize for
not killing you ...
but I feel this type
of retribution is a
far more appropriate
punishment for your
threatened crime. I
wish you well as you
try to sort through
some of these rather
immediate pressing
issues, and can only
hope that you have
the opportunity to
reflect upon, and
perhaps reconsider,
the career path
you've chosen to
pursue in life.
Remember,
next time you might
not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex |
