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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
MARCH
2011
Holy
Humor
Forwarded
By Sgt. James S. Thornton
A
father was approached by his small
son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied,
"What do you mean, you 'know' what
the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father.
"What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the
young boy replied excitedly," It
stands for 'Basic Information Before
Leaving Earth.' |
There
was a very gracious lady who was
mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the
country.
"Is there anything breakable in
here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments."
answered the lady. |
"Somebody
has said there are only two kinds of
people in the world. There are those who
wake up in the morning and say,
"Good morning, Lord," and there
are those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord; it's morning." |
A
minister parked his car in a
no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space
with a meter.
Then he put a note under the
windshield wiper that read: "I have
circled the block 10 times. If I
don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation
from a police officer along with this note
"I've circled this block for 10
years. If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation." |
There is
the story of a pastor who got up one
Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news
and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new
building program. The bad news is,
it's still out there in your
pockets." |
While
driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught
up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached
to the back of the carriage was a hand printed
sign... "Energy efficient vehicle:
Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do
not step in exhaust." |
A
Sunday school teacher began her
lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He
is an artist!" said the kindergarten
boy.
"Really? How
do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does
art in Heaven... " |
A minister
waited in line to have his car filled with
gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but
there were many cars ahead of him.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward
a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young
man, "I'm so sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the
last minute to get ready for a long
trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know
what you mean. It's the same in my
business." |
People
want the front of the bus, the back
of the church, and the center of
attention. |
Sunday after
church, a Mom asked her very young
daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be
scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by
for tea and the Mom asked him what
that morning's Sunday school lesson
was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy
comforter is coming." |
The
minister was preoccupied with
thoughts of how he was going to ask
the congregation to come up with more
money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
regular organist was sick and a substitute
had been brought in at the last
minute. The substitute wanted to know
what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service,"
he said impatiently. "But, you'll have
to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister
paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof
repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you
who can pledge $100 or more, please stand
up."
At that moment, the substitute
organist played "The Star Spangled
Banner."
And that is how the substitute became
the regular organist!
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When
you carry the Bible, Satan gets a
headache..... When you open it, he
collapses..... When he sees you reading
it, he faints..... When he sees that you
are living what you read, he flees.....
And when you are about to forward this
message.... He will try and discourage
you.
I just defeated him!!! Any other
takers? |
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